What to make of all this

In 2009, a friend recommended a book to me with a scandalous title: "Second Comforter: Conversing with the Lord Through the Veil." I bought a copy shortly thereafter.

Little did I realize how much that book and author would impact the next 5 years of my life.

I read the book and was immediately struck by its importance. I felt so strongly that it was the most important book written in the past 30+ years. I later made a sort of goal to try to give a copy away to someone every month or so.

As you may have gathered from the title of this blog, I am still seeking that experience of conversing with the Lord, and that message remains as strong for me as the day I first picked up that book.

A year ago, the author of that book was excommunicated from the LDS Church, for writing another book about church history. I had read everything Denver Snuffer had written to that point (or that I could get my hands on), so his expulsion really rattled me.

It still rattles me.

But that is nothing to the message of his 10th talk as part of his "40 years in Mormonism" series. That talk is more like a nuclear blast to the rattling of his excommunication.

Here's the problem: I don't want to believe it.

I am a many-generation Mormon. I am active in my ward. I have a young family. All those things that Denver has said make up a "proud descendant of Nauvoo," I have.

I can hardly bring myself to contemplate that the things Denver said in talk 10 are even possible. The church has lost the keys? The ordinances are no longer honored? But what about my child who was baptized earlier this year? What about the hope of a future marriage in the temple? Is that really all gone?

I have to be baptized again? Doing so will surely get me kicked out of the Church.

Do I have enough confidence that this call is an authentic direction from heaven?

Not yet. Hence I am still seeking.

But what if it is true? I have learned so much from Denver and his approach to scripture. Yes, it is possible that he is freelancing. But he has said he is not doing so.

A few weeks after his excommunication, I had a period of about half an hour where I felt in more direct communication with the Spirit than ever before in my life. I received direction, chastisement, and insight in those moments of clear communication.

I specifically asked about Denver, how should I proceed and what should I believe. I heard in response that "Denver is doing my work, and was primarily sent to your generation."

But what about now? Is that still true? And what do I do with that knowledge. I still feel a great need to remain in good standing in the LDS church, especially for my children. I don't feel I can jeopardize their faith by taking anything Denver says on his word alone. I am grateful this blog is anonymous, so I can explore what this means in relative safety.

What I seek is further instruction. I'm right back to where I started, waiting upon the Lord to converse with me through the veil. Until that day, I wait and I watch, and I try to serve my fellow ward members.

I don't know what is going to happen, but if Denver is doing the Lord's work, I expect His hand will be evident for those seeking it. I pray that may be so.